Egocentrism

Aside from the changes, confusion, growing, and horrors that I experienced during my days of puberty, I still vividly remember instances of heightened egocentrism that manifested themselves on a daily basis. As an elementary and middle school student, feelings of perplexity were all too common as a result of Piaget’s third stage of egocentrism – the transitionary period between concrete and formal operational thinking. I simply could not understand why my grandmother did not find toilet humor to be the funniest thing on the planet, or why my younger sister objected to starting fires in the living room with me, or why my parents didn’t encourage me to continue making soap potions in the bathroom when I thought that I was the biggest chacham in the world and was on to some scientific breakthrough. To me these were some of the most intriguing things that anyone could possibly do. But, now I know that I was the only one who felt that way (with the exception of every other 10 year old boy).

As young adults, we realize that all behavior has an array of consequences. We understand that social expectations, responsibilities, and concerns for our reputation and image must be met accordingly, and to fulfill all of these things as we see fit, we must adhere to set norms and values. We don’t always do things that we want to do, because we know that the means to acquire our desires won’t always be favored in another’s eyes or are just not realistic. Yet, a child or young adolescent doesn’t have access to foresight or understand how others will perceive him. If it is true that a child thinks that others around him know how he feels and have identical interests and wants as his own, how can we really assume that any rebellious or mischievous act is one done solely out of an extraordinary sense of rebelliousness or mischief? He believes that others around him share the same feelings and want to perform similar acts. In his mind he’s not doing anything out of the ordinary because EVERYONE should be doing the same thing- even his parents who rebuke him for his behavior.

We are told that as we leave the stages of concrete operational thought our sense of egocentrism begins to rapidly diminish. This may be true to a degree, but I have found that at YU and maybe within the frum community as a whole, egocentrism can at times begin to rapidly reemerge. There are times when we all feel that someone is thinking about our actions. Is he looking to see whether or not I say a bracha before I put this sushi roll in my mouth? Are any yids watching me slip into this treife restaurant? The core of many halachas is rooted in the idea of egocentrism- that person is definitely thinking about whether or not I’m fulfilling or transgressing a mitzvah! Even long after the days of our adolescence we still re-experience stages that defined various periods of our lives. It may be safe to say that as we grow and enter new stages of development, we don’t necessarily completely sever our ties with former developmental components that defined that particular stage. Through the process of acquiring new skills, experiences, and cognitive capabilities, we don’t totally eliminate former behaviors or understandings. Rather, we push them aside and make compromises with newly acquired understandings and behavior. And, I still think that toilet humor is the funniest thing on the planet.